Jennifer JLO Lopez allegedly had a close encounter of the breast kind. But was the Mexican dinner salsa tray on display or is it all just hype to get us to watch the boring Academy Awards. Let us look at the evidence:
And for closer inspection:
In this analysis, we can clearly see the Breast Exposed does not equal a satisfactory requirement of 95% areoles. She has huge dinnerplates on her montanas, so we’re only seeing the tip of the party here my friends.
The best way I can summarize this video and this JLO malfunction thing is it’s like being told by all your best friends you’re going to Chipotle for your birthday. All your buddies will be there, and those cute girls from the party last week.
Did you hear Chipotle serves margaritas now? True story! And your buddies are going to buy you all the mararita that you want, to wash down that juicy burrito and stomach bending salsa.
You drive to the front door, you get almost there and you can almost smell it. Mmmmmm. Fake Mexican. Mmmmmm.
What we saw in that video, my friends, was a shrewd ploy of desperation. People are trying to make the Oscars important by enticing us with promises of Jlo’s juggly time happiness for all our eyes to see. Act like you might that you have no interest in Jlo, you know if the taco was there you’d lay down the sour cream. Eww? Don’t try to act dignified.
Since the video shows very clearly we didn’t even get to have pinky-extended tea-time with the edge of her areola saucers, we’ll just end this with a video from when Cameron Diaz was actually hot.