"Unggh, unghh, ungghh", said Sharapova and Ivanovic as they volleyed the ball back and forth, back and forth...
10. Anna Kournikova
Commonly adorning the walls of many college dorm rooms in the early aughts, Anna Kournikova comes in at number 10 in our sexiest women of tennis list.
Now while some folks may disagree with Kournikova being placed so low on the list, I'd like to invoke the Edict of Butterface. Her face is almost as rough as Sarah Jessica Parker's, but not to the extent you'd need to place a horse muzzle on it or be tempted to say 'Giddyup' when frolicking about the bed.
Kournikova has also sinned and lost hot tennis woman points for banging Enrique Iglesias and his amazing singing mole. Rumor also holds that she actually sucks at tennis...
9. Sania Mirza
Like anyone who has ever had a problem with their modem or other electronics device, I have a love/hate relationship going on with India. When steam is coming from my ears due to a faulty tech product, it's hard to have broken English Apu whispering horrible bullcrap instructions into my ears. Apparently Indian call center guys all teamed up and sponsored a hot Indian chick to learn how to play tennis, as a way to calm down pissed off Europeans and Americans who are ultimately screwed on getting reliable customer service...
Apu: 'Ahhh...you plug ahh, ether... ahhh...net cord in (static)...er. No work?
Dan: 'Uh, yeah?'
Apu: 'Ahh, blink lights green in Spring rain and ahh, (static) Bob Dole's zephyr?
Dan: 'WTF, Apu. That's not even a coherent sentence you damne...'
Apu: 'Sania Mirza is hot.'
Dan: 'Touche, Apu. Touche.'
Doing a bit of research on this Sania Mirza, it seems she's also more than eye candy and is quite the activist against a gang of conservative religious and political pricks. She's been ridiculed and faced prosecution on grounds of stuff like "the dress she wears on the tennis court leaves nothing to the imagination...", but doesn't let it sway her on what she wants to wear. You can't fault that.
8. Nicole Vaidisova
Born in Germany and now taking residence in the Czech Republic, Nicole Vaidosova comes in the eight slot on our list of tennis hotties.
Much like the ridiculously buff commie from 'Rockie' who dishonourably beat up Apollo Creed, Vaidisova was pretty much born and bred to own in tennis. With racket in hand since the age of 6, and excellent training and talent all her life, do not be surprised if you see Vaidosova leading the Red Giants from hibernation.
I'm still a bit dazed and confused as to what's going on this following photo of Vaidisova and a snake on a mission. I'll leave the interpretation up to you guys...
7. Anastasia Myskina
A great affront to humanity would be talking about tennis and not mentioning the greatest tennis game of all time: Mario Tennis. It's under the banner of lucky and sexy number 7 on our list, Anastasia Myskina, that making mention of the game becomes appropriate.
Born in Moscow, Russia, Myskina is like a hacked combination of all the characters from Mario Tennis. She's noted for being quick on her feet, much like the noble Toad or Baby Mario. She serves out trickier shots than the wily Boo and Ghost, and yet is most well known for having a very powerful serve that'd make Bowser piss his pants.
Like a proper Bond villainess from Russia, she's also adept at 'playing mind games with her opponents on the court'. You know even Sean Connery would give her dirty nuclear secrets in a heartbeat.
6. Daniela Hantuchová
One of the most disappointing things in life can be finding a girl who is beautiful, fun to be around, can give you a challenge in sports, loves video games and yet has a serious side, then finding out...she's a dumb as rocks and has a personality to match. For those who think such a girl doesn't sound too bad, I refer you to Jessica Simpson and any guy who's been foolish enough to date/marry her.
Daniela Hantuchová would be a girl you'd definitely want to date and probably be cajoled into settling down with, in pure happiness. In addition to having all the qualities initially mentioned, the girl is brilliant. Excelling in academics, she also speaks six different languages and is a gifted classical pianist. Not too shabby.
5. Martina Hingis
Though she is now retired, and shockingly only 28 years old (I thought she was ancient), Martina Hingis comes in at number 5 on the list. Now looking at some of the other girls, one may be inclined to think "WTF" seeing Hingis' mug this high on the list. When considering the hottest athletes, the scientific process behind it also takes into consideration the package deal. We're not superficial assholes, scout's honor.
Hingis is getting number five on the list mostly due to her assholedness when dealing with other players. Her comments, love to flame and shady habits lead me to believe that she could actually hang and have a good time with us in the ShoutWire community.
On Serena and Venus Williams:
"Being black only helps them. Many times they get sponsors because they are black. And they have had a lot of advantages because they can always say, 'It's racism.' They can always come back and say, 'Because we are this colour, things happen.'".
"They always have big mouths. They always talk a lot. It's happened before, so it's gonna happen again. I don't really worry about that."
On Kournikova Thinking She Could Beat Hingis"What rivalry? I win all the matches."
Amelie Mauresmo"She's here with her girlfriend. She's a half-man already." (
Note: This quote is ignoring the fact that Amelie Mauresmo is kinda hot, so even Ron Paul finds her lesbianism Constitutional.Beautiful, so, so, beautiful
Upon her retirement announcement in 2007, it seems some final controversy crept into Hingis' career. There were accusations that Hingis had some cocaine in testing samples she submitted. Twice. While Hingis maintained innocence and provided her own sample, which came back negative, the admins of tennis apparently found her guilty of 'doping' and having a metobolite of cocaine in her body. Like a hardcore SW user who knows no bounds, Hingis was served with a temp ban of two years from International Tennis Federation (ITF). *Pours out OE 40 for Hingis*
4. Maria Sharapova
Right now a frat house has canceled all plans for upcoming pantie raids next fall and will divert all resources to peeing on our ShoutWire servers. Maria Sharapova is not number 1?!? No you pink collared jackasses, she's not.
Maria Sharapova is yet another hot tennis player from...Russia. And it's at this point, Mr. Paul Medvedev, that I'm calling you out. Do Russians have a big science lab dedicated to pumping out hot, athletic tennis players? With the exception of Kournikova who had a mutation in the 'crush puny Americans at tennis gene', it's amazing how many hot and actually talented tennis players do come from Russia.
One thing you may have noticed is that in addition to a disproportionate bunch of hot chicks being from Russia, many of these sexy slammers have 'Ova' or the complex variant "Kova" in the name. I'm lead to believe that 'Ova' is Russian for 'damned hot'.
Sharapova is damned hot, but not number 1 hot. If I were walking down the street one day, minding my own business, and suddenly the magic-elves of fated happiness had me walking upon a naked Sharapova playing tennis with her hot twin...ten out of ten. If I were to see this same thing, day in and day out, for let's say a few years...it'd get to be like a song on the Top 40. Overplayed. We get it. Sharapova is 6'2" (1.88 m) of pure hot. When I start seeing her being hot on every commercial, magazine and now music videos...she loses her novelty.
3. Ana Ivanovic
If Ova is Russian for hot, Ovic is its Serbian equivalent. Born in Belgrade, Serbia, Ivanovic is much like our friend Hantuch
ová in regard to being quality on and off the court. Another student-athlete, Ivanovic also serves as an ambassador for UNICEF.
This girl is pretty hardcore and tough too. Playing tennis and beating up folks on the court since age 5, Ivanovic was always one to push herself in practice. Following the NATO bombings and war in the late 90s, it's said that in the winters 'she found an old abandoned pool and would train there every single day'. That's some kickass dedication.
2. Maria Kirilenko
Good friends with Ana Ivanovic up above, Maria Kirilenko is number two on the list. At this point you can probably safely guess Kirilenko's place of birth, accolades and talents.
Place of Birth: USSR (Russia)
Accolades/Talents: Played Tennis Since Five, Kicking Ass (especially American) At Sports Tournaments, Being Hot, Smarts, yada yada.
1. Jelena Dokic
Now hailing from the land down under, there's much love for Serbian born Australian raised Jelena Dokic. Born in a war-torn Croatia, Dokic's family moved to Australia when she was 14. Like most of her contemporaries, Dokic took to tennis and beating her opponents in tournaments at a young age. She made a name for herself when coming into major tournaments and beating the likes of Martina Hingis, Sanchez-Vicario and the super-buff and athletic Venus Williams.
During early 2000, due to personal issues on her Dad's side of the family, Dokic began to suck a bit at tennis and fell a bit down the rankings. Fortunately for her, in addition to tennis her striking looks and curves has kept her strong into modeling. She's now working on a comeback in tennis, all so she can be sure to be able to compete in our upcoming hottest women in all sports competition.